


The last drops

by Szeszely



Category: Football RPF, Real Person Fiction, Sports RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Deadly Love, Footy Ficathon, M/M, Memories, Mind Reading, The Ache in Your Legs Footy Ficathon, Undead, Vampires, dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-24
Updated: 2015-01-24
Packaged: 2018-03-08 22:17:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3225476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Szeszely/pseuds/Szeszely
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My dear,<br/>Find what you love and let it kill you.<br/>Let it drain you of your all.<br/>Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness.<br/>Let it kill you and let it devour your remains.<br/>For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much better to be killed by a lover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The last drops

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this prompt: http://thesilverwitch.livejournal.com/33981.html?thread=949949#t949949
> 
> Benni's thoughts are in italics.

 

 

 

It’s easy to remember the first time we met. It’s easy to remember the words we exchanged. It’s easy to remember – but the memories are not mine.

 

* * *

 

 

_I should have accepted Jule’s offer to take me home. This damn raining just won’t stop; I’m soaked to my bones. And it’s already dark… Ugh, I always hated thunders and this just seems to worsen. That lightning was close, shit… I’ll call Julian to pick me up, I can’t stand this._

_Fuck, my phone’s dead, great. What else can come up?_

_I think I heard a noise. Somebody might be there…. maybe it was just a dog or something. But it had to be a big one then, geez, I really wanna get home now._

_"Hello? Anybody there?"_

_Nobody’s answering, ok Benedikt, get your shit together and keep on walking. I hate storms. I fucking hate storms and I hate the outskirts even more. There’s not a single car on the street or a light turned on or…_

_"EEK!" Oops, that was kinda girly. "Christ, mate, you gave me a fright."_

_I must have scared him as well, he looks like he has just been murdered and resurrected twice in a row._

 

_ "Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I moved in this part of the city last week and uhm, well… I got lost and was about to ask for your help." _

_  
_

_What a nice voice to go with that body… He cannot be a zombie or serial killer or whatever._

_"Sure thing, I live a few streets from here, I can tell you where to go."_

* * *

 

I died on a murky autumn day with your name on my mouth and a sharp pain in my neck. In the last moment I remembered the time we shared, what we could have. Several more followed suit our first conversation until we started walking home together every single afternoon. It took four actual months, but I eventually asked you out on a date and received an embarrassingly enthusiastic yes. The night was wonderful despite the pouring rain and when you kissed me on your doorstep, I was sure I had fallen in love.

But the evening after I proposed I never came back home and you waited at our place the whole night alone.

 

 

_"Mats?" This can’t be real, I must be dreaming. "Mats, is that really you?"_

_ "Good to see you, Benni." _

_What? Good to see me? That’s all, after you disappeared for a year, without a note or a message or a fucking sign? And you don’t even look at me._

_"It’s good to see you as well."_

_Silence. Super. Like we don’t know each other at all. I have so much to say, but how? How to tell you that I missed you like you were my air? How to say that I cried myself into sleep every night, worrying about  you, about what might have happened, until I didn’t have more tears?_

_"I missed you."_

_Why don’t you say anything? Why are you so fucking silent?_

_ "I’m sorry." _

_What?_

_ "I’m so sorry, Benni." _

_"I hate you, Mats."   But I love you more._

_ "I didn’t want to leave, I wanted…." _

_"Don’t you realise what have happened?"_

_I know I’m rude to cut you off, but my patience has evaporated months ago._

_"Nobody knew anything about your whereabouts, about what happened to you, we knew absolutely nothing. You get that? First I thought you made up your mind about…. about us, then I started to worry and recently I concluded that you might be dead and if that was true… then my life had no meaning at all."_

_Fine, I see you don’t want to say anything, but please… Just look at me for a moment. This is maybe worse than you being dead. Anyway, I have that gun in my bag for weeks, it won’t last for too long now._

_ "You were right. I’m dead." _

 

* * *

The night of my death was the coldest in October and the next day I woke up as a beast, thirsty for blood, thirsty for murder. For months, I didn’t remember anything, my mind was blank. But I got back a piece of my past with every person I have killed. With the drops of their blood, I saw their lives – the dreams they had, the pains they felt, the loves they shared.  I had a deal with Satan: a man for a memory. And almost a week ago, I got back you.

 

* * *

 

 

_"I don’t believe you."   I don’t believe you want me to forget what we had._

_  
_

_ "You have to." _

_"Why?"   Tell me you’ve found somebody else. Then I would die in the certainty that you are happy._

_ "Because I can’t stay with you."    _ _Say it, Mats, say the truth.  "I' m dead."_

_Jesus…I think I know now. Your cold skin… Your paleness… The way you speak and your dilated pupils…._

_"You got a permanent disease, a lethal one, don’t you?"    Oh baby, I’m so sorry._

 

* * *

Benni, you don’t know how much it hurts, killing you. My fangs are sinking into your neck, your soft, warm neck and it hurts inside that I want it more than anything else. You said we would meet in a better place, where we can start everything from the beginning and you kissed me without hesitation, without fear. You kissed me like I was alive, you kissed me like you kiss your lover. I have no control, no self-discipline. Please, forgive me.

 

_You were different when our lips met, yet all the same I remembered. Your body is colder than the marble against my back as you press me into the wall, but there’s a firestorm in your eyes. You’re stronger and harder than a year ago, but I want it, I need it, because if this is the last time, then let it be the best one._

The end is so close and I’m not ready to let you go. Your body is still moving, you are still breathing, you’re still living… I can hear your thoughts, there’s not much left of the past and I’m craving for more. I wish I could see your life once again and fill the rest with the happiness you deserved. But I cannot be alive and you cannot have the given future, because I take it away. We are beyond the point of turning back.

 

_"I think I’ll fall asleep."_

_I feel so safe with you. I want this to be the last day I have. There would never be a better one._

_"I want to hear you, Mats, please talk to me."_

Your blood is sweet, Benni, sweeter than sugar, honey or any other syrup. I feel it pulsing through your veins and into my mouth. I get a piece of you with every drop, but there would never be enough, I can never get enough. I had been feeding on sorrow and fear, but what you offer is a lot greater.

 

_"I love you, Mats. I always will."_

I don’t know what’s happening, your words set me on fire. I’m burning, because love is the opposite of the thing this monster needs. Love is want, love is the aching for closeness and love is the only thing that can murder something that has already been killed. I suck the life out of your body, slowly, so that you feel like you are just falling asleep. Hurting you wounds me with invisible cuts, but you soothe it with the flames you set in the blink of an eye. I have died once already. But it’s so much better to be killed by a lover.

_I hear your thoughts, Mats. I think I’m dreaming and it’s as light as the whisk of a butterfly's wing._

You’re not dreaming. You hear me thinking because these are the last drops, the last bits of you. I wish I could give it all back with my falling tears. But the crying of the dead is just as useless as the weeping of the alive. We are dying together, you’re drained and I’m burnt, falling into the great nothingness that creates the world.

_You’re beautiful. It’s beautiful that we do it together. I have no regrets, except that I didn’t walk home with you that day. Tell me… tell me, Mats, what it would be like if you did come back home. Tell me whether this would be the end even if you didn’t have to leave. Is this the end?_

This is the end, Benni.


End file.
